Wow, I can't believe I am posting again...maybe this fall break is going to get me back in the groove of being a good, regular posting blogger! I just wanted to quickly encourage those of you who may stumble across this and to share with you a thought that just came to mind.

I recently memorized this scripture and I felt it sticking out to me just now as I was sitting down to write..it says

Look carefully then how you walk not as unwise but wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil Ephesians 5:15-16

Have you thought about the way we spend our time in conjunction with investing in eternal things? You, just like me, probably have. I don't write this to throw a guilt trip on you but we are so prone to sit and spend our day eating, sleeping, blogging, watching TV...going to work, whatever it is that we do to take time to invest in what really matters.

Life is short, we have a limited number of minutes to live, and so often we spend them selfishly. We live our lives our thinking about ourselves, our needs, our wants. We get caught up in the daily mundane and we forget....we forget each moment is a gift. Its a gift meant to be lived out in appreciation. We should be living our lives intentionally. We should not just let them happen but purpose out each moment we breathe in and out with our lungs.

We should purpose to praise God for the air he lets us breathe, the food he lets us eat. We should purpose out time each day to get into the word, to literally hear words spoken from the mouth of God, words of life and truth. We should purpose out time to give sacrificially in service to others. How often do we drive by someone on our way to work with a flat tire (or even worse on our way to church) without stopping to help because we are going to be late, or we are too busy??

I am convicted of the way I spend my time. I am not relational enough, I take don't take advantage of the time I have with my family and friends to love and encourage them. I don't praise God for everything he has blessed me with. I live a selfish, and boring existence, focused in on ME. I do not take advantage of every minute.

I am learning, from spending lots of time with other cultures now a little more about time. For instance in African culture time is nothing to them...events begin and end whenever they begin and end. You can stop by at any time without really being considered rude...they view time differently..they value relationships, and living out each moment so much more than us. They aren't busy planning for the next activity, they are soaking in each God given moment of life.

I want to live like that.....taking advantage of each moment I am alive and not wasting any of it. I want to be more giving and more loving. SO an encouragement to you, and to me...Lets be wise, making the best use of our time.

Alright, here I am being totally honest, right now. I am going through one of the hardest times in my life, ever. I am not happy, and I am not okay. I broke up about a month ago with my boyfriend of 2 years, for a bunch of very complicated reasons, and I miss him..a lot! I feel like I am never going to stop hurting. I am trying hard to trust God, I know he can see me through, but its hard.

I've been through deserts and valleys in life before but I've never really related that much with the idea of a storm...well now I do. I feel like a rag doll being thrown in the wind and tossed by the waves of life. Everything this year is constant motion, constant change, constant discomfort.

I don't want to complain, but I do want to take this moment to be transparent. I'm not okay, and I'm not doing good, and I would love any prayers, any of you can offer.

The weird thing however, about this whole interesting life experience I am going through right now is that its not all bad. I am not so depressed that I lay in bed and cry all day..my life is continuing on...but it feels dreary, and lonely and very....gray. AND in some ways, that is more discouraging than any my life is ending forever, dramatic, cinema experience. I'm not sure why..it just feels more real, and kind of like it will go on forever...

However, I have been having some awesome life experiences as well...I have found a new church that I really love in downtown kc. Its small, its not aesthetically appealing, but it has some of the most awesome loving people in it. Its filled with people from all different walks of life, there are Africans, and new young family's, and single college students, all together in this amazing little organism filled with love and life.

While attending church there I have become friends with several African family's, and its been such a cool experience getting to know them! They don't speak a lot of English, but I visit their homes at least once a week and share the bible on audio with them, in their language. Its so cool that scripture transcends cultural, and lingual barriers to reach people of all nations and walks. Its an especially cool thought to a little, white, 19 year old girl, with a very Americanized approach to christianity, and what could be described as a very narrow perspective of the world.

SO even in the midst of all the hard times going on right now in my life there are occasional pockets of hope. I've found them in the heart of down town KC. I have discovered a love for the inner city and the people who live there. It radiates life to me, and is rapidly becoming one of my favorite places in the world, as well as the bright spot of my week.

I love doing ministry there...I love that there are Somalian restaurants, Mexican, Greek, Thai, all in one short distance of each other. I love the way that people in that area value relationships in a way that I have never felt before...I have found a love for the people of that neighborhood in what I feel is a very supernatural kind of way....I don't know what God is planning next for this interesting turn my life has taken, but I feel like it may involve this neighborhood that has found its way into my heart..

WELL....there is a HONEST update on my life right now..please keep praying for me as I go through this journey the rest of this year..its only a few more months till I leave for Asia. Please especially pray for peace to radiate my heart right now.

Oh and as an ending note here is a cool quote that I heard the other day..it matches my life right now I feel....